Legend of Shrek: Wind Waker
by Deviant Crew
Summary: Wind Waker characters in the storyline of Shrek... This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands.
1. Chapter 1

Ladies and Gentlemen, I made this due to pure boredom. Yes, I have no life. Flame if you must.

* * *

_This is but one of the legends of which the people speak..._

_Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace._

_But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With his strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand..._

_...a young boy clothed in green appeared as if of nowhere. Weilding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time. The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend._

_But then... a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. The great evil that all thought had been forever sealed away by the hero..._  
_...once again crept forth from the depths of the earth, eager to resume its dark designs._

_The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them. But the hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate._

_What became of that kingdom? None remain who know._

_The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. On a certain island, it became customary to garb boys in green when they came of age. Clothed in the green of fields, they aspired to find heroic blades and cast down evil._

_The elders wished only for the youths to know courage like the hero of legend._

Toon Link merely laughs as he pulls the final page from the book. What follows is the flush of a toilet. Toon Link stretches his arms and gets ready for the day and does his daily routine.

It's nighttime, and Link was about to go to bed, when suddenly, he hears the sound of other kids. He begins to sneak around them.

"Think he's in there?" A Prankster Leader in a team of kids asks. He points to Toon Link's house.

"All right. Let's get him!" Another kid is about to charge in, but the leader stops him.

"Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that boy can do to you?" The Leader whispers.

"Yeah, I heard he wields a sword." A third member adds.

Toon Link sneaks up behind them and laughs.

"It's him!" One of the yells.

Toon Link glares at them.

"You'll do what?" One of them asks, surprised.

"Back! Back, kid! Back! I warn ya!" The second member waves his torch at Toon Link.

Link calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The Pranksters shrink back away from him. Link roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the kids are in the dark.

"The part where we run away? Sounds good to me!" One of them screams. The kids scramble to get away.

Link laughs as they run. He then looks down and picks up a piece of paper. He reads: 'Wanted: Children with Pointy Ears'. He rolls his eyes and walks back to his house.

THE NEXT DAY

There is a line of pointed ear children. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the pointed ear children to him. There are cages all around.

"All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!" One of the guards exclaim.

"Next!" The Head Guard announces.

"Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!" A little girl with a blue dress that has flowers on it is wearing a hood to hide her face.

"Oh, shut up." The Old Lady jerks on a rope tying her up.

"Oh!" She exclaims in pain.

"Next! What have you got?" The Head Guard asks.

"This girl's name is Aryll, and she has pointy ears!" The Old Woman exclaims.

"Right. Well, that's good for fifty rupees, if you can prove it." The Head Guard gestures to her hood.

"Oh, go ahead, little fella." The Old Lady tries to take it off, but she keeps it on.

Aryll then looks up at her and gives the lady puppy eyes.

"Well?" The Head Guard is becoming impatient.

"Oh, oh, she's just... she's just a little nervous. She has ears like an elf! Take it off, you boneheaded dolt..."

"That's it. I've wasted enough time. Guards!" The Head Guard orders.

"No, no, she does! She does. You just have to help me take off her hood."

"Get her out of my sight."

"No, no! I swear! Oh! She has pointy ears!"

The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks a fairy out of another guard's hands, and her cage drops on Aryll's head. She gets sprinkled with fairy dust and she's able to fly. Her hood falls off when she starts flying.

"Hey! I can fly!" Aryll says in shock

"She can fly! She can fly!" Some of the kids exclaim in excitement.

"She does have pointy ears!" The Head Guard gasps.

"Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, girl with pointy ears. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you have never seen a girl fly. Ha, ha!" Aryll gives a raspberry, but her victory is short when the fairy dust begins to wear off.

"Uh-oh." Aryll says as she begins to sink to the ground. She hits the ground with a thud.

"Seize her!" The Head Guard commands. A garrison of troops is formed and Aryll takes off running. "After her!"

"She's getting away! Get her! This way!" The Garrison gives pursuit. "Turn!"

Aryll keeps running and she eventually runs into Toon Link. Literally. Link turns around to see who bumped into him. Aryll looks scared for a moment, but then she spots the guards coming up the path. She quickly hides behind Link.

"You there. Child!" The Guard encounters Toon Link.

Toon Link raises an eyebrow.

"By the order of Lord Demniss I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement... facility?" The Head Guard begins to show his fear as Toon Link pulls out his sword.

Toon Link points behind the Head Guard.

The Head Guard turns around to see where he is pointing and he sees that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Link laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage.

"Can I say something to you? Listen, you were really, really, really something back here. Incredible!" Aryll smiles.

Toon Link turns around and Aryll is gone. He turns back around and Aryll is right in front of him.

"Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you were great back here? Those guards! They thought they were the best things ever. Then you showed up, and bam! They were trippin' over themselves like they had their shoes untied. That really made me feel good to see that." Aryll laughs. " Man, it's good to be free."

Toon Link turns around to give her a glance.

"Why I don't celebrate with my own friends? Well, I don't have any friends. And I'm not going out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a lean, mean fighting machine with that sword. Together we'll scare anybody that crosses us." Aryll continues to follow Link.

Link turns and regards Aryll for a moment before roaring very loudly.

"Oh, wow! That was really scary!" Aryll applauds. "If you don't mind me saying, if that doesn't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, because you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time..."

Link covers her mouth but Aryll continues to talk, so Link removes his hand.

"...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt the whole day. Not a pretty sight." Aryll says.

Toon Link turns to her again.

"I'm following you, because I like you." Aryll smiles. She then starts to sing. _"'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have friends!"_

Toon Link holds his ears and screams. He turns to her once more.

"Take a good look at you, eh? Well..." Aryll examines him. "You're really short?"

Link shakes his head.

"Oh, right! You're also a kid. I knew that. You know, it really doesn't bother me." Aryll admits.

Link looks at Aryll oddly.

"Really, really." Aryll replies.

Link seems surprised.

"I like you. What's you name?" She asks.

Toon Link gives a simple nod.

"Link? That's kind of funny. You know, I should think of a nickname for you. I always wanted a big brother to look up to... I know! How about Big Brother?" Aryll asks.

Link shakes his head.

"Oh, don't be so silly. It's a perfect name for you." Aryll giggles. "Well, you know what I like about you, Big Brother? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-anybody-thinks-of-me attitude. I like that. I respect that, Big Brother. You're all right."

They come over a hill and you can see Toon Link's cottage.

"Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that?" Aryll cringes at the sight.

Link gives her an irritated look.

"Oh! And it is a lovely home you have! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget." Aryll turns to see a giant rock nearby. "I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?"

As Link heads down the hill and turns to her.

"You like privacy? You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. And then there's that awkward silence..." Aryll then breaks off into awkward silence. "Can I stay with you?"

Toon Link is confused.

"Can I stay with you, please?" Aryll adds a please on the end of her already said question.

Link nods.

"Really?" Aryll seems excited.

Seriously this time, he shakes his head.

"Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be a kid." Aryll says. There is a pause while she looks at Link, and reconsiders what she just said.

"Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!" She pleads.

Link gives body language to calm her down. He opens the door to his home, and she rushes in. Aryll hops into a chair.

"This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, tell each other scary stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles!" Aryll plans for the night.

Link growls in anger.

"Where do, uh, I sleep?" Aryll asks.

Link points outside.

"Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you too well, and you don't know me too well, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Goodnight."

Link slams the door behind her.

"I mean, I do like the outdoors. I do like to look up at the stars. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside." Aryll sighs and decides to start singing to cheer herself up. _"I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me..."_


	2. Chapter 2

Link is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff.

"What do you mean, Big Brother? I am outside." Aryll calls from the window.

There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots The Killer Bees around his table.

"Well, guys, it's a far cry Windfall, but what choice do we have?" Ivan asks.

"It's not home, but it'll do just fine." Jan adds.

"What a lovely bed." Jin bounces on Link's Bed.

Toon Link grabs one of the kids, but he escapes.

"Nice dodge, dude." Ivan smirks.

"I learn from the best!" Jin laughs.

Link finally grabs them and gives them a mean leer. Suddenly, he gets bumped from behind and he drops the Killer Bees.  
He turns and sees Sue-Belle put pots on his table. Link takes them off.

"Where am I supposed to put them? The bed's taken." Sue-Belle replies.

Link marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. Tingle is sitting in the bed. Tingle just looks at him.

"What?" Tingle simply replies.

Shrek now has Tingle by the collar and is dragging him to the front door.

He opens the front door to throw Tingle out and he sees that all the collected people are on his land.

Toon Link lets out a scream in annoyance. This echoes and everyone falls silent. Gasps are heard all around. 3 fairies hide inside a tent. Toon Link tries to push them all away, but this just makes more kids run inside the house. They shut the door on him. He turns to look at Aryll.

"Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them." Aryll responds.

"Oh, gosh, no one invited us." Makar says.

Link tilts his head.

"We were forced to come here." Makar adds.

Link now looks flabbergasted.

"Lord Demniss, he's the one who put us here. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice." Potova says.

Toon Link simply takes a heavy sigh.

"Uh. I don't know where he is. Does anyone know?" Joanna asks. Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.

"Oh, I do. I know where he is." Aryll raises her hand high.

Toon Link tries to find someone else, but nobody else knows.

"Me! Me!" Aryll starts to hop up.

He continues to look as Aryll gets impatient.

"Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!" Aryll is now jumping high, waving both hands.

Link finally sighs, and grabs a poster of Demniss. He pulls out his sword and cuts it in half. There is a pause. Then the crowd goes wild.

Link points to Aryll and signals for her to follow him.

"All right, that's what I like to hear, Big Brother. Link and Aryll, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!" Aryll cheers excitedly. She starts to sing again. _"On the road again._ Sing it with me, Brother. _I can't wait to get on the road again!"_

Link just gives her that glance again.

"No singing, got it. Can I whistle?" Aryll asks.

Link shakes his head.

"Can I hum it?" She asks.

Link finally decides to nod.

Aryll then begins to hum 'The Great Sea'.

Meanwhile, in a far off castle...

A masked man is torturing a bird-like girl. He's continually dunking her in a big barrel of water, like Water-Boarding. Lord Demniss walks in.

"That's enough. He's ready to talk." Demniss stops Byrne.

The Bird Girl is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a table. Demniss laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.

"My name is Medli. Help me, help me! I can't fly on my own, so I need to be thrown into the air and hit walls like a moron!" Demniss mocks Medli.

"You're a monster!" She replies.

"I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of those freakish children trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?" Demniss demands answers.

"Eat me!" She spits into Demniss's eye.

"I've tried to be fair to you children. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll..." He pulls out a knife and is about to cut off one of Medli's wings

"No, no, not the wings. Not my beautiful wings!"

"All right then. Who's hiding them?"

"Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know Beetle?"

"Beetle?"

"Beetle."

"Yes, I know Beetle, who sells items across the Great Seas?"

"Well, she's married to Beetle."

"Beetle?"

"Beetle!"

"She's married to Beetle..." Demniss ponders this as the door opens and the Head Guard walks in.

"My lord! We found it." A head guard announces.

"Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in."

More guards enter carrying someone fussing around in a bag. They open the bag and plop him in a chair. It is Salvatore.

"Ohhhh... huh?" Medli is confused to why they brought him here.

"Salvatore..." Demniss begins to say.

"Don't tell him anything!" Medli interrupts. Demniss picks her up and dumps her into a cage that doesn't let sound get out. "No!"

"Evening. Salvatore, tell me something straight. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" Demniss asks

"Well, technically you're not a king." Salvatore replies.

"Uh, Byrne." Demniss turns to Byrne who holds up a doll form of Salvatore and smashes it with his fist. "You were saying?"

"W-What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess." Salvatore explains, feeling a little nervous.

"Go on." Demniss now is interested.

Salvatore chuckles nervously. "So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes." Salvatore puts on a Game Show Host Costume.

"And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from The Mushroom Kindgom. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her Kingdom or for Bowser's. Please welcome Princess Peach Toadstool!" Salvatore shows a picture of Peach.

"Bachelorette number two is a punk girl who refuses to be pushed around by anyone. She might be a rough, tough, girl on the outside, but on the inside, she has a caring Heart-Container! Come on. Give it up for Midna!" Salvatore shows a picture of Midna.

"And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a beautiful blonde from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Zelda!" Salvatore finally shows a picture of Princess Zelda.

"So will it be: bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?" Salvatore asks

"Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!" The guards start to call off numbers.

"Three? One? Three?" And Demniss is having a hard decision to make.

"Three!" Byrne calls out "Pick number three, my lord!"

"Okay, okay, uh, number three!" Demniss calls out.

"Lord Demniss, you've chosen Princess Zelda." Salvatore exclaims.

Music starts playing and all of the Guards cheer.

"Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go..." Demniss says to himself

"But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night." Salvatore isn't finished talking.

"I'll do it." Demniss continues to talk to himself.

"Yes, but after sunset..." Salvatore tries to tell him.

"Silence! I will make this Princess Zelda my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament." Demniss smiles evilly.


	3. Chapter 3

Link and Aryll come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high.

"That's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it." Aryll smiles.

Link looks upon the giant castle.

"Uh-huh. That's the place. That's where Lord Demniss is." Aryll nods.

Link walks fast to the castle.

"Hey, wait. Wait up, Big Brother." Aryll follows.

Link points to an attendant. The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Demniss, looks to see that Link has a sword. He screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Link.

"Wait a second. Look, Link here isn't gonna hurt you. He just... he just..." Aryll tries to speak on Toon Link's behalf, but it isn't working.

Link sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Link and Aryll look at him then continue on into DuLoc.

They get inside and look around but all is quiet.

"Hey, look at this!" Aryll points to a machine.

She runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing.

_Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town_

_Here we have some rules_

_Let us lay them down_

_Don't make waves, stay in line_

_And we'll get along fine_

_DuLoc is perfect place_

_Please keep off of the grass_

_Shine your shoes, wipe your... face_

_DuLoc is, DuLoc is_

_DuLoc is perfect place!_

Suddenly a camera takes Aryll and Link's picture.

"Wow! Let's do that again!" Aryll makes ready to run over and pull the lever again.

However, Link grabs Aryll's Flower Dress and holds her still. He shakes his head.

They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena.

"Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself..." Demniss from afar is announcing.

As Link and Aryll walk down the tunnel to get into the arena, Aryll is humming the DuLoc theme song.

Link gives her that 'look' again.

"Sorry about that." Aryll stops.

"That champion shall have the honor... no, no... the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Zelda from the fiery keep of the Valoo. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin!" Demniss then notices Link and Aryll. "Oh! What is that? An immature child?"

Link turns to look at Aryll and then back at Demniss. he gives Demniss a 'seriously?' look.

"Uh, Big Brother? I think he was talking to you." Aryll whispers.

"Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills these two uninvited guests, will be named champion! Have it them!" Demniss commands.

"Get them!" One of the knights yells.

Link and Aryll back away slowly.

"Oh come on. There has to be a better way than this." Aryll tries to reason with them. They bump into a table where there are mugs of potions.

"Go ahead! Get them!" The crowd hollers

Link holds up a mug of potion and gestures to it.

"Kill the intruders!" Another man in the crowd

Link shakes his head and tisks them. He then drinks the beer, followed by taking the mug and smashing the spigot off the large barrel of potion behind him. The potion comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Link pulls out his sword next. He slides past the men and slashes at them with his sword.

As Link begins to fight, Aryll hops up onto one of the larger Potion barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Aryll manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Link kicks butt and enters a stable of Horses, similar to a Wrestling Ring. He continues to fight there.

"Hey, Big Brother, tag me! Tag me!" Aryll waves from the ropes.

Link comes over and bangs a man's head up against Aryll. Aryll is a little dizzy, but snaps out of it fast. Link gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd. A man tries to sneak up behind Link, but Link turns in time and sees him.

"The chair! Give him the chair!" One of the women in the crowd hollers.

Link smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Aryll hits her telescope against one of the knight's helmets, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild.

"Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! We're here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!" Aryll laughs. Link joins in and laughs with her.

Their laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on the two children.

"Shall I give the order, sir?" The Head Guard asks.

"No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!" Demniss announces and the crowd roars.

Link and Aryll look at each other in confusion.

"Congratulations, you two. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest." Demniss explains.

"Well uh, you see. The funny thing is, we're already on a quest. The whole reason we came here is to try to get Big Brother's House back." Aryll explains.

"His house?" Demniss asks in confusion.

"Yeah, his house. Remember? That's where you put the Pointed Eared Children." Aryll explains. "I should know, because I almost became one of them."

"That's why you looked familiar!" The Head Guard tries to pursue her, but Demniss stops him.

"Indeed. All right, I'll make you two a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you this child's house back." Demniss explains.

Link raises an eyebrow.

"Exactly the way it was, down to the last detail. Consider the Pointed Ear Children gone." Demniss says.

Aryll turns to Link for clarification. He nods. "Okay, you got a deal. But... what kind of quest?"

* * *

Time Lapse - Link and Aryll are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Link is counting his rupees.

"Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Demniss will give you back a house which you only don't have because he filled it full of children in the first place. Is that about right?" Aryll nods.

Link nods.

"I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that Hero stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, capture Demniss and warn him to give you back your house or 'dire consequences will be laid upon you', stuff?" Aryll asks.

Link turns to her once more.

"Ewww! Why would you even think about decapitating an entire village and put their heads on a pike, using your sword to cut open their spleen and drinking their fluids? But, I do understand what you mean." Aryll says, grossed out.

Link continues to talk to Aryll.

"There's a lot more to Heroes than people think? For example?" Aryll asks.

Link holds out a green rupee.

"Heroes are like rupees? How?" Aryll looks closely. "They're colorful?"

Link nods, but then realizes what she said and shakes his head.

"They have value?" Aryll guesses again.

Link again shakes his head.

Oh, you mean when you leave them on the ground, they start flashing and suddenly disappear. Why do they do that?" Aryll asks.

Link lets out a grunt of frustration and shows it to her. He heaves a sigh and then walks off.

Aryll is trailing after Link "Oh, you both have variety. Oh. You know, not everybody has a lot of rupees like you..." Aryll thinks for a moment. "Candy! Anyone can afford candy, and it has as large variety!"

Link lets out another cry of irritation.

"You don't care what everyone likes? Well, you know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, 'Let's get some parfait,' and they say, 'No way, I don't like no parfait'? Parfaits are delicious." Aryll continues to talk.

Link lets out one final scream of resentment and storms off.

"Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole wide planet." Aryll doesn't stop talking.

Link finally just lets out a sigh.

"Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait can get me slobbering." Aryll adds.


	4. Chapter 4

They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Link trying to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem, so Aryll pours a potion on it to put it out.

Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to  
house Princess Zelda. It appears to look like a giant volcano. There is the Dragon's Keep.

Aryll sniffs the air. "Ohh! Big Brother! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything."

Link shakes his head and sniffs the air.

"Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about that it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't brimstone. It didn't come off as a stone stone either." Aryll grumbles.

They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very foreboding.

"Uh, Big Brother? Uh, remember when you said that Heroes have Variety?" Aryll asks, shaking a little

Link nods.

"Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Sidekicks don't have variety. Most of us are still the scared stereotypes they make of us." Aryll is showing her fear more now.

"No, I'm not afraid of heights. I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!" Aryll looks down to see the lava and yelps in fear.

Link soothes her body and calms her down.

"Really? You'll be right next to me for support?" Aryll asks.

Link nods.

Aryll hugs him. "Okay, that makes me feel so much better." She goes first, and Link is right behind her.

"Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down." She tells herself as she continues to move forward slowly. She steps through a rotting board and ends up looking straight down into the lava)

"Big Brother! I'm looking down! Oh, goodness, I can't do this! Just let me off, please!" Aryll squeals.

Link rolls his eyes and points to the other side.

"We might be halfway, but I only know that half is safe!"

Link sighs and points back where they came from. He starts pushing her back. He accidentally bounces and sways the bridge.

"Don't do that!" Aryll exclaims.

Link seems confused at first, but then bounces the bridge again.

"Yes, that!" Aryll nods not to do that.

Link nods and continues to bounce and sway as he backs Aryll across the bridge

"No, Big Brother! That's not what I meant! No! Stop it!" Aryll starts to panic.

Link refuses to stop swaying the bridge.

"I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Big Brother, I'm gonna die." She then steps onto solid ground "Oh!"

Link pats her head and walks towards the castle

"Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?" Aryll asks.

Link points to the picture of Princess Zelda given to him. He chuckles

"I was talking about the Valoo, Big Brother." Aryll corrects herself.

They now travel inside the castle.

"Big Brother, you aren't afraid, are you?" Aryll asks.

Link shakes his head.

"But..." Aryll tries to keep on speaking.

Link puts his finger to his mouth.

"Oh, good. Me neither." Aryll seems safe for a moment, until she sees a skeleton and gasps. "Because there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Fear's a sensible  
response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I'm surely no coward. I know that." Aryll trips over some leftover knight armor.

Link shushes her again, and points to the stairs.

"Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess." Aryll replies.

Link puts on a helmet and turns to her once more.

"What makes you think she'll be at the highest room of the tallest tower?" Aryll asks.

Link replies, and walks off.

DONKEY  
"You read it in a book once? Cool. You handle Valoo. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going." Aryll begins to look for the stairs.

In an empty room, Aryll is still talking to herself as she looks around the room.

"I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the  
stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it." Aryll looks around and sees a hole in the wall. She looks through it and on the other side, she sees a bright, yellow eye open. She gasps.

Link spots a light in the tallest tower window. Link looks around for the dragon, when suddenly...

"Valoo!" Aryll cries out. She takes off running as the dragon roars again. Link manages to grab Aryll out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire.

Link manages to get a hold of Valoo tail and holds on. The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Link goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower. Zelda wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor.

Aryll is left by herself. "Oh! Aah! Aah!"

Aryll gets cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge she's on.

"No. Oh, no, No!" Aryll braces for impact. Valoo roars.

"Oh, what large teeth you have!"

Valoo growls.

"I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're..."

Valoo gets closer so you can see his face.

"You're a guy dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a guy dragon. You're just reeking of masculinity.  
Valoo starts dazing off into Aryll's eyes.

"What's wrong? Do I have something in my teeth?" Aryll checks.

Valoo blows smoke at Aryll.

"Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh..." Aryll tries to blow away the smoke.

Valoo blows a smoke ring in the shape of a heart right at her, and she coughs

"I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings... Big Brother!"

Valoo picks her up with his teeth and carries her off

"No! Link! Link! Link!"

In Zelda's Room, Link groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Zelda so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep. Link turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Zelda for a moment and she puckers her lips. Link takes her by the shoulders and shakes her awake.

"Oh! Oh!" She exclaims as she gets shaken up. "What?"

Link takes a look at her.

"Yes, I am Princess Zelda, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me." Zelda says.

Link rolls his eyes and grabs her by the hand. He pulls her so they can get running.

"But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?" Zelda asks.

Link shakes his head.

"No time? Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed." Zelda explains.

Link turns to her.

"Yes, I had a lot of time to plan this." Zelda nods.

Link breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down the hallway.

"But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!" Zelda groans.

Link shakes his head again.

"Can I at least know the name of my champion?" Zelda asks.

Link nods.

"Sir Link." Zelda clears her throat and holds out a handkerchief. "I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude."

Link takes the handkerchief and wipes his dirty helmet off.

Suddenly they hear the dragon roar.

Zelda is surprised. "You didn't slay the dragon?"

Link shakes his head and pulls out his sword. He takes off running and drags Zelda behind him.

"But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.

Link gestures to all of the dead and burnt bodies.

"That's not the point." Zelda responds.

Link suddenly stops and she runs into him. Link ignores her and heads for a wooden door off to the side.

"Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there." Zelda points to the other direction.

Link points to the door. He pulls out the picture he got from DuLoc and shows her Aryll, who is beside him.

"What kind of knight are you?" Zelda asks.

Link opens the door into the throne room. There, Valoo has Aryll on a pillow next to him. Valoo is obviously still alert of her running, so he isn't fully relaxed.

"Slow down. Slow down, Valoo, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time." Aryll explains. "Just call me old-fashioned." She laughs  
worriedly.

Link sneaks into the room.

I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this..." Aryll can't seem to find the word. Then she remembers. "Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude."

Valoo starts to snuggle close to her.

"Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay."

Link grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again.

"Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards. I'd really love to stay, but... Don't do that! That's my Dress! That's my favorite dress. You're gonna tear it! I don't give permission... what are you gonna do with that?"

He looks up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head.

"Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!"

He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps Aryll out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss her. Instead Valoo kisses Link's butt. He opens his eyes and roars. Link lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto his head, but it's too big and it goes over his head and forms a sort of collar for him. He roars again and Link along with Aryll take off running; Very 'Matrix' style. Link grabs Aryll and then grabs Princess Zelda as he runs past her.

"Hi, Princess!" Aryll waves.

They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Link spots a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a crack in the stone and it hits Link right in the groin. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide, he stumbles off and walks lightly.

Link groans in pain. He gets them close to the exit and sets down Aryll and Zelda.

"What? You're fighting Valoo alone? No, I won't let you go in there alone, Big Brother!" Aryll tries to come along, but Link points to the exit. They both start running. "Be careful."

Link nods to her and grabs a sword. He heads back toward the interior of the castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that is still around Valoo's neck.

Link reunites with the others and they all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. Valoo breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk sends Valoo back and he's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs quickly to safety as Valoo looks angry and then gives a sad whimper as he watches Aryll walk away.

Zelda slides down the 'volcano' hill. "You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing."

Behind her Aryll falls down the hill.

"You're... You're wonderful. You're..." She turns and sees Link fall down the hill and bump into Aryll.

"A little unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thy heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt." Zelda bows to Link.

Aryll clears her throat.

"And where would a brave knight be without his protégée?" Zelda gestures to Aryll.

"I hope you heard that. She called me a protegee. She thinks I'm a protegee... Uh... what's a protegee?" Aryll asks.

"The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight." Zelda says.

Link shakes his head.

"Why not?" Zelda asks.

Link can't think of anything, so he points to his head.

"You have helmet hair? Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer." Zelda replies.

Link shakes his head again.

"But how will you kiss me?" Zelda asks.

"What?" Aryll turns to Link. "That wasn't in the job description. Or maybe it's more of a perk."

"No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. The lovely Princess Zelda is captured by an evil force and locked away in a tower to be rescued by a man in green. And then they share True Love's First Kiss." Zelda explains.

"With Big Brother? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Link is you true love?" Aryll asks.

"Well, yes."

Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing.

"You think Big Brother is your true love!" Aryll says while still laughing.

"What is so funny?" Zelda asks.

Link stops laughing and explains.

"Not my type? Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now... Now remove your helmet." Zelda replies.

Link shakes his head.

"Just take off the helmet." Zelda repeats.

Link shakes his head again.

"Take it off." Zelda says, getting angry.

Link once more shakes his head.

"Now!" Zelda yells.

Link finally gives in with a sigh, and takes off his helmet. Revealing the Nine-Year-Old Boy.

"You... You're just... a kid." Zelda stammers in shock.

Link shrugs.

"Well, yes, I was expecting a sixteen-year old, actually." Zelda realizes what this means. "Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be a Child."

Link seems annoyed.

"Lord Demniss wants to marry me? Then why didn't he come rescue me?" Zelda asks.

"But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his... his sidekick." Zelda exclaims in anger.

"Well, so much for protegee." Aryll sighs

Link sighs and explains.

"I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Demniss that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here." Zelda sits down on a stump.

"Hey! Big Brother is no one's messenger boy, all right?" Aryll says ominously "He's a delivery boy."

"You wouldn't dare." Zelda narrows her eyebrows.

Link swiftly picks her up and swings her over his shoulder like she was a sack of potatoes)

"Put me down!" Zelda tries to wiggle free.

Link nudges to Aryll.

"I'm right behind ya, Big Brother." Aryll follows.

"Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down!" Zelda screeches.


	5. Chapter 5

A little time has passed and Zelda has calmed down. She just hangs there limply while Link carries her.

Aryll is following behind. "Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a man that digs you, right, but you don't really like him that way. How do you let him down real easy so his feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?"

"You just tell him he's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your..." Zelda explains until Link drops her on the ground. "Hey! The sooner we get to DuLoc the better."

"You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!" Aryll exclaims.

"And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Demniss? What's he like?" Zelda asks.

Link turns to her and says a joke. Aryll and Link laugh. Link then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off the dust and grime.

"I don't know. There are those who think little of him." Aryll jokes and they laugh again.

"Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Demniss." Zelda says.

"Maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the 'measuring' when you see him tomorrow." Aryll jokes. They once again laugh.

Zelda looks at the setting sun. "Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?" Zelda asks.

Link shakes his head.

"Princess, I think that might take longer." Aryll explains.

"But there's robbers in the woods." Zelda explains.

"Whoa! Time out, Big Brother! Camp is starting to sound good." Aryll changes her mind.

Link shakes his head again.

"I need to find somewhere to camp now!" Zelda yells.

Both Link and Aryll's ears lower as they shrink away from her.

On a mountain cliff nearby, Link has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave.

Link waves his arms to show Zelda the spot.

"Big Brother, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess." Aryll replies.

"No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches." Zelda accepts it.

Aryll tilts her head. "Like what?"

They hear a tearing noise and look over at Zelda who has torn the bark off of a tree.

"A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night." Zelda goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her.

"You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will." Aryll asks.

"I said good night!" Zelda repeats.

Link looks at Aryll for a second and then goes to move the boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Zelda still inside.

"Big Brother, What are you doing?" Aryll asks.

Link laughs to show that he was kidding, but she knows he wasn't. He lets out a sigh.

Later that night, Link and Aryll are sitting around a campfire. They are staring up into the sky as Link points out certain star constellations to Aryll.

"A boy named 'Throwback'? Oh. Right. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?" Aryll asks.

Link shakes his head.

"They don't tell futures, but instead stories? Hmm..." Aryll thinks about it. Link shows her more star constellations.

"Bloodnut? I know you're making this up." Aryll replies.

Link shakes his head again and tries to show her the detail in the starts.

"All I see is white dots, Brother." Aryll replies.

Link sits up and tries to explain to her more.

"Some things are not as they seem? Uh..." She tries to understand, but shakes her head. She heaves a big sigh. "Hey, Link, what are we going to do when we get back to our house?"

Link turns to her with a confused face.

"You know, our house. When we're through rescuing the princess." She explains.

Link narrows his eyebrows and shakes his head.

"No 'we'? No 'our'? You're going to build a 5-foot wall around your house? You cut me deep, Big Brother. You're cutting me very deep right now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out." Aryll continues to talk.

Link rolls his eyes.

"Are you hidin' something?" Aryll asks.

Link rolls to the other side to avoid talking to her.

"Oh, this is another Rupee Simile Conversation, isn't it?" Aryll asks.

Link shakes his head.

"Why don't you want to talk about it?" Aryll asks.

Link ignores her.

"Why are you blocking?" She continues to ask questions.

Link continues to ignore.

"Yes, you are blocking right now."

Link is getting angry.

"Who you trying to keep out?"

Link screams in anger.

"Everyone?" Aryll pauses for a moment. "Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere." Now she grins.

At this point Zelda pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to the cave and peaks out. Neither Link nor Aryll can see her.

Link lets out another yell. He gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff, sitting down.

"What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?" She doesn't stop asking questions.

Link finally lets out a final grunt and explains.

"I get it now. People laugh at you because you're a kid. You know what? When we met, I didn't think you were a little, helpless kid." Aryll puts an arm around him.

Link nods his head.

"So, uh, are there any sidekicks up there?" Aryll points up to the sky.

Link remembers one.

"Gabby, the small and annoying. Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?" Aryll points to the moon.

Zelda puts the door back.

"Right, I knew that was the moon." Aryll corrects herself.

In Demniss's Bedroom, a fairy flies in through the window and pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays in the background. Demniss is in bed, watching as Salvatore shows him Princess Zelda.

"Again, show me again. Salvatore, show her to me. Show me the princess." Demniss replies.

"Hmph." Salvatore replies. He rewinds the music and begins to play again from the beginning.

"Ah. Perfect." Demniss sighs in relaxation. He looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up to cover himself as though Zelda could see him as he gazes sheepishly at the painted image of Zelda.


End file.
